Bugs Ain't as Delishus as they Look..

I ain't got any idea why I thought bugs would taste so good. They taste terrible, ya'll. Every single one of 'em. The lady bug, who I thought would have tasted like a sweet, crunchy M&M tasted bitter and disgusting. The big fat spider who's filling I thought would taste like a delishus Cadbury Creme Egg tasted nastay. Beetles? Well...let's just say they taste like pond scum. I licked many a scummy pond back in my days as a homeless orphan before my human rescued me so I's know what pond scum taste like. Worms? Don't think theyz taste like those gummi worms that are so sweet and yummy. More like a rubber band dipped in mud. Take me back inside, Mom. My fude is a'waitin' for me...

I'm a Cougar!!

Lookey here, youze. I am a cougar ready to pounce. I'm a' looking for a wild gazell to kill and eat as my pray. Have you seen any around? No one can see me. I'm hidin' in this here tall grass and I'm going to git the next animal that crosses my trail. I'm gonna attak, folks. Shhhh...here comes somethin' or someone. *RROOAARR** Oh, oops, sorry about that Kato. Kato is the tiger cat dude that lives in the garage of the house next door who's always up in my bidness. Sittin' outside my window and taunting me. I shoulda whapped him in the nose with my big cougar paw!

I Peed On My Human...

Well, ya'll...today I is very embarrassed. My human mom thought it a was good idea to take me out yonder into the world. I ain't got any idea what was goin on in that head of hers. Firstly, we walk outside and I see these big metal monsters of many colors. Runnin' back and forth, up and down the street. Big ones, little ones, loud ones, quiet ones. They make whooshing noizes with their round, rubber legs. I could see INSIDE these monsters and the humans that they ATE in thar stomaks. It's like the monsters have these see-through parts on thar sides. And they make crazy noises. "Honk, honk" they would go. What does that mean?? Then I look up and see these crazy tall, brown ogre-looking monsters with thousands of arms and green hair. Why are they so tall?? Are they going to reach down and grab me with one of their many arms?? I was sooo scared, ya'll. I was shivering and trembling like a little beatch. I didn't want to die. I'm too young!! I have too much to live for!! So my mom picked me up and I let my bladder do it's thang. Peed right down the front of her. But I's had a good xcuse, right?? I was frightened!!

Feeling Slightly Under the Weather...

Hi Peeps and Friends. Wow..did I just have a major CATastrophe (get it??). Mom filled our food dish and I had to rush in there and gobble it down before that pig Amos pushed me out of the way. How many nights I've had to go hungry because he gulps the entire contents of the food bowl before I've had my share. Well, I wasn't letting it happen tonight. Big mistake. I just projectile vomited all over the hallway wall. I ate way too much Kit -n- Kaboodle. Remember when Old George Bush vomited all over the Japanese Prime Minister so many years ago? That was me a minute ago..."My fellow Americans...BLLEECCCHHHH!!" HAHA. I feel better now, though. I've heard that when you feel nauseaus, you should always lay on your back and take deep breathes. So that's what I'm doing. Thank's for your concern, ya'll.

Who Be Knockin??

Who's knockin' on my door? Announce youself. I see standin there. Youse legs outside my mail slot. I ain't openin' the door for just any old Joe Schmoe. What you want? Are you lookin' for money? I ain't got no pot to pee in. So take off. Are you sellin' sweepers? Go away. I'm scared of those thangs. You Jehoovah witness? Don't waste yer time. My perfekt soul don't need no savin. **HISSSSS*** Take a hike, you. Wait...what?? You ain't kiddin? You'se from them there Publishers Cleering Howse and I've just won a million dollars?? Well, why didn't youse tell me? Come on in? Well, I'll be a monkey's unkle. Now I'll finally be able to get that solid gold litterbox I've had my eye on!!

What Choo Lookin' At??

Haven't ya'll ever seen an oversized foot? I can't help that I was borned deefektive. But I's still almost as normal as the next dude. I just got one foot bigger'n the other. Don't stare. It ain't pollite. Don't call me Sassyquatch. Name collin' ain't nice. I can still do most things any other kitty cat can do. I meow for my dinner, I purr while being petted, I play with cat nip. I just ain't able to run in a straight line. So what if I can only run in circles.