Much O Grassy Ass!

Hey Gang!! Whazzup?? I have a new favorite thing! Grass. I cannot believe I ain't never tried grass before. What was stopping me??? Because now that I've done tried it once, I want to have it agin and agin and agin. It made me feel swell. Groovy even. And mellow. Reeeaall mellow. The only problem is that the more grass I ate, the hungrier I got. But that's fine. My human has lots of grass hangin' around the joint. I can have grass anytime I dang well please. If I were a human, I'd put grass in all my fude. It's so delishus. I'd even bake grass into brownies. Hell yeah... I love grass!!! Put that in your pipe and smoke it, freaks!!

Hey, Hey Boyd...

Hey, you..boyd. Look at me. What you think youse doing? Sittin outside my window like Mr. King Boyd or somethin. Don't think I ain't got ways and means to get out there and get you...and eat you. Cept, I wouldn't eat you right off. I'd bat you around a little bit. You'd be like my own personal boyd toy. I'd pull all your feathers out just cause it's fun. I'd drag you into the house as a gift for my human. She'd be so happy. I could pitcher her face right now. She'd walk into the house and see a pile of bones and feathers and blood all over. I KNOW she'd be so thrilled. Who wouldn't? She'd pick me up and give me a hug and tell me "You are the best, Amos. What a wonderful present." I ain't foolin, boyd. I ain't stoopid like that cartoon Silvester cat who never gets the boyd. Cause the boyd is smarter. That ain't the case here. Wait...where you goin? Get back here, boyd. Well..you better fly away...cause it was only a matter of time before I figgered out how to get out there and get you...and eat you.

Lollipop Head!

Hi Peeps. I am soooo skinnay. Ain't my head HUGE and my body so tiny?? It's like an orange sitting on a toothpick. This is what happens when Fatso eats all the fude before I can even get a taste. That's OK..because I am faster and more ajole...ajile....agile...yeah, more agile than her. All that Ms. Fatty does is lay on the floor and scream when I jump on her and pull her fur out. She needs to fite back...but I ain't holdin' my breath or else I will DIE of suffikation. Almost like I done when I was playin' with one of the plastic bags my human left out for me to play with. But..I diegress....let me just say, "Snoop...the worst thing you can do to me is sit on me an smoosh the life out of me... Sticks and stones AND your fat ass may brake my bones, but words will never hurt me."

It's Called "Pleasantly Plump"

Hey there Folks. I just had to toss in my two cents worth about Amos and his insistence that I'm O-V-E-R-W-E-I-G-H-T. Don't judge me! I like to imbibe in a Carmel Machiato or two...and I absolutely LOVE saucy French food. It's tres' de'licieux! I just can't help I have a palatte that needs to be pleased; one cannot subsist on Meow Mix alone. I am, and always will be, Rubenesque. I will never be the cover girl for Cat Fancy magazine. Is that a loss for me?? Absolutely not!! Let those skinny, unhappy felines with the bone protruberances pose and paste a fake happy face on their mugs and all the while are wishing for a big bowl of full fat milk. Please don't get offended, ladies and gents, but I really need to use the "f" word here. I will always be FAT and FABULOUS!! Take that - Ignor-AMOS!! Ha-ha. Burn.

I Gots to Have me Some Nips!!

Can't get enuff of these here Nips. I ain't got even a slight idea what it is that makes them like a drug to me. Could it be the explosion of Cheddar Cheeziness in each individual Nip? Or that they are full of such interesting ingreedients...Monosodyum Glue-dimate....now don't that sound delishis or WHAT?? ANd they're REDUCED FAT!! I ain't about to get as big and fat as that there Snoops is. I want to eat Nips til the cows come home....Ima Lovin' Da Nips!!!! Gimme more Nips!!!

Blair Bathroom Projekt...

I just wanna apolijize... It was my fault. I brout Snoop here. I told Snoop to come with me into the scary room with the hangin' extenshun cords and the weird-ass window. I ain't blamin' no one else. I was the one who said, "Clime up and lookit into that window-like thingamabob, Snoop. Find out what's in thar." I am so scared. Because when Snoop looked in there, another dude that looks just like Snoop was lookin' right out at her. I think that dude lives in the window thingy. Is he Snoop's evil twin? Why does he only come 'round when Snoop looks in there. Is he scared of me??? Or are those two fixin' to get me into trouble with the human. Ah...me. It was nice knowin' ya'll. Once that dude figgers out how to get out of that funky window, they are going to gang up on me and I'll be toast!

He Drinks Out of The Toilet...

I really don't think I have to say another word. Those six words say it all. "He drinks out of the toilet." 'Nuff said.

What IS this Doohicky??

It ain't a bed...it ain't a drinking fountin. BUT I can sleep on it AND drink out of it. Snoop may think I'm dummr than a bag of bricks, but I gots a comfy place for some shut eye and refreshing water to drink. I'm done happier than a kitten who fell in a creem jar. YEA-HA!!

Can He Seriously Be This Stupid???

My Peeps!! So I figured I'd be nice for once. Pick Amos as my partner for our weekly Songburst musical trivia game night. He's so absurdly brainless, and I felt bad pawning him off yet again on my human. I could tell my human was getting a little irritated being stuck with dingbat every single time we played. Plus, she was probably annoyed because she was consistently on the losing team. You can only keep your chin up for so long. You can only pretend it doesn't matter so many times. I figured I'd give him all the easy songs. You can't get easier than "Happy Birthday", right? WRONG!! His clue was "Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to _____." That moron's answer?? "Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to GLUE." GLUE?? GLUE??? I couldn't believe my ears. I was in total shock. Needless to say, he's back being paired up with my human next week. Hey, she brought his dumbass into our happy home, she has to deal with the fallout. It's her fault he's here. I'm terrified of being dumbed down in his presence. Look at his beady little eyes. He needs to keep his eyes half shut because if he opened them all the way, the rest of his brain would leak out. Although, at this point, I can't imagine there is any gray matter in there at all.