Feeling Slightly Under the Weather...

Hi Peeps and Friends. Wow..did I just have a major CATastrophe (get it??). Mom filled our food dish and I had to rush in there and gobble it down before that pig Amos pushed me out of the way. How many nights I've had to go hungry because he gulps the entire contents of the food bowl before I've had my share. Well, I wasn't letting it happen tonight. Big mistake. I just projectile vomited all over the hallway wall. I ate way too much Kit -n- Kaboodle. Remember when Old George Bush vomited all over the Japanese Prime Minister so many years ago? That was me a minute ago..."My fellow Americans...BLLEECCCHHHH!!" HAHA. I feel better now, though. I've heard that when you feel nauseaus, you should always lay on your back and take deep breathes. So that's what I'm doing. Thank's for your concern, ya'll.

Who Be Knockin??

Who's knockin' on my door? Announce youself. I see standin there. Youse legs outside my mail slot. I ain't openin' the door for just any old Joe Schmoe. What you want? Are you lookin' for money? I ain't got no pot to pee in. So take off. Are you sellin' sweepers? Go away. I'm scared of those thangs. You Jehoovah witness? Don't waste yer time. My perfekt soul don't need no savin. **HISSSSS*** Take a hike, you. Wait...what?? You ain't kiddin? You'se from them there Publishers Cleering Howse and I've just won a million dollars?? Well, why didn't youse tell me? Come on in? Well, I'll be a monkey's unkle. Now I'll finally be able to get that solid gold litterbox I've had my eye on!!

What Choo Lookin' At??

Haven't ya'll ever seen an oversized foot? I can't help that I was borned deefektive. But I's still almost as normal as the next dude. I just got one foot bigger'n the other. Don't stare. It ain't pollite. Don't call me Sassyquatch. Name collin' ain't nice. I can still do most things any other kitty cat can do. I meow for my dinner, I purr while being petted, I play with cat nip. I just ain't able to run in a straight line. So what if I can only run in circles.

Hey Dingbat!!

Hey Peeps!! Look at me! I am in Amos' precious box. Ooohhh...what's gonna happen now. Is he going to start fisticuffs with me? Is he going to throw me into the dungeon of his "kastle" I'm so scared. I'm shaking in my boots. Uh-oh..looky here. I seem to have stumbled into the rumpus room of the box. Here..let me see what he's got stocked in his bar. Pabst Blue Ribbon? Old Granddad? Ripple??!? Methinks I would rather drink window cleaner. At least he's got a bottle of white zinfandel. For the ladies, no? What a loser!!

Lookit..my Box

Hey Gang! What's up and down and all around?? Now...ya'll may know by now that I aint too hard to please. Gimme a bag...gimme some Nips....and I'm a happy dude. Like today. My human came home and had something wonderfool with her. A box. I mean...who woodn't love a box. It's my own personal kastle. And I'm the head dude of this box. I ain't allowing Snoop in here, no way, no how. She can find her own box. All must bow down to me..King Amos. King of this here box.

Much O Grassy Ass!

Hey Gang!! Whazzup?? I have a new favorite thing! Grass. I cannot believe I ain't never tried grass before. What was stopping me??? Because now that I've done tried it once, I want to have it agin and agin and agin. It made me feel swell. Groovy even. And mellow. Reeeaall mellow. The only problem is that the more grass I ate, the hungrier I got. But that's fine. My human has lots of grass hangin' around the joint. I can have grass anytime I dang well please. If I were a human, I'd put grass in all my fude. It's so delishus. I'd even bake grass into brownies. Hell yeah... I love grass!!! Put that in your pipe and smoke it, freaks!!

Hey, Hey Boyd...

Hey, you..boyd. Look at me. What you think youse doing? Sittin outside my window like Mr. King Boyd or somethin. Don't think I ain't got ways and means to get out there and get you...and eat you. Cept, I wouldn't eat you right off. I'd bat you around a little bit. You'd be like my own personal boyd toy. I'd pull all your feathers out just cause it's fun. I'd drag you into the house as a gift for my human. She'd be so happy. I could pitcher her face right now. She'd walk into the house and see a pile of bones and feathers and blood all over. I KNOW she'd be so thrilled. Who wouldn't? She'd pick me up and give me a hug and tell me "You are the best, Amos. What a wonderful present." I ain't foolin, boyd. I ain't stoopid like that cartoon Silvester cat who never gets the boyd. Cause the boyd is smarter. That ain't the case here. Wait...where you goin? Get back here, boyd. Well..you better fly away...cause it was only a matter of time before I figgered out how to get out there and get you...and eat you.